A Work Life Balance?

Here I am staring out of my window, at another cold rainy day. Thinking about all the things I should be doing except this. I have already, filled the car with petrol, cleaned up the chaos in the kitchen, that was pancake day and cleaned and dusted our bathroom and bedroom.

I am still to clean down the stairs, in the other bathroom, one of my daughters rooms (the older one does her own cleaning - Thank goodness) and clean down the other flight of stairs.

I also need to make a cottage pie for tea and then go to the hospital for one of my CML appointments, meanwhile I have arranged for a friend to pick up Lola from school.

Later we are going to see Lola play flute with some other schools who have children who play flute.

This is pretty much an average day, and yet I still have so many other things on my list of things to do.

I need to paint our bathroom and get a new bath front for the girls bathroom. I also need to remove all the sealant around the girls bath and reseal it.

Then we need a new boiler.

I also need to paint the walls in the toilet (we are old school and have a separate bathroom and toilet).

And whilst I consider all this, I wonder how managed to do any of these things whilst working in a full time job.

Admittedly I had more help then, a childminder and a cleaner, and I would probably have paid someone to paint things. So that explains some of it, and obviously, I didn't write as much. But how did I find time to see the kids.

I was exhausted when I got home, usually they had already had their tea, sometimes I missed their bedtimes. It was far from ideal. But I was so desperate to give my girls a positive female role model that I forgot to actually be there for them.

My eldest, says I was there, but I am not sure I was always as present as I could have been, and she didn't do as many extra curricular activities as my youngest does now as we couldn't arrange drop off's and pick ups.

Gratuitous photo of my family whilst on holiday in Ireland seeing the lovely in-laws

This is, of course Mummy guilt. A well know phenomena that only Mummy's seem to have, I had guilt about working, I have guilt about doing the type of work I do now, I have guilt, full stop.

My husband has no guilt for working, he has never felt bad about going out to see his friends or going to his man cave to play guitar

At least now, I have less guilt. My children are older now, I don't feel that heart wrench when I am apart from them that I used to get. They are independent people. Which I am exceptionally proud of, both of them and of my husband and I for helping them to become the people they are.

So what is all of this about?

Time.

I still don't have time to do everything I want to do, but now I am better at prioritising my time. I know that when the children come home. I am available to them. Everything else I do, is in my own time when they are not here.

That is the work, life balance we aim for and I realise today that I think I may have achieved it. Its a shame I can't earn more money because then this scenario would be perfect. But, I would rather be poor and have that balance, than rich with out it.

I would still like a cleaner though. Hate cleaning.

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