Trying to be a Writer whilst turning into an Expert Procrastinator
It turns out, trying to be a writer is a frigging roller coaster of emotions.
It's easy to forget that when you are doing a masters degree in creative writing you are kinda setting yourself up for criticism. Admittedly it should be constructive but none-the-less, prepare to have your very soul ripped out with assessment scores and critiques.
Having just started my second year of my part-time masters (although how anyone has time got to do it full time, I do not know!) I have had a really disappointing score for my first assessment.
Of course, this has sent me into a spiral of despair, where I had the following reactions in this order:
- Well, that's it. I'm rubbish at writing, I always knew it. I'll give up! - closely followed by,
- You can't give up, you've given them all your money, you need to pass this thing so you can have a disposable income again, in the future, at some far distant point. Please.
- Well, that's just fine, I'll do it, but now where is the liquor. It's day drinking time.
- No time for day drinking, time to get back on the horse little lady (I don't know why I have turned into a cowboy from the 1960s?)
- Turn on the computer - write something disparaging about my assessment, and following despair on a Facebook page for other OU people doing the same course.
- Read supportive comments from loads of other students in the same boat.
- Feel a little better.
- Sleep on it.
- Wake up the next day and think, OK let's get over this and move on. At this point, I become the master of procrastinating as opposed to creative writing. Here is how I spend my day:
- Look at social media
- Fuss the cat
- Re-check social media, I may have missed something
- Take photo's of the cat
- Take photo's of Lego
- Take photo's of frosty things in the garden
- Post a load of pictures on Instagram
- Check for likes
- Make some boiled eggs
- Save a blank page to revise the start of my novel based on peer reviews
- Look at the blank page for a bit
- Check for likes
- Lie on the bed (My desk is in the bedroom)
- Lie on the floor with the intention of doing some pilates, but just lie there instead
- Realise all my old diaries are piled up on the floor, look at them for a bit
- Tidy the diaries up and put them into date order
- Sit at my desk and look at the other people's houses
- Think I should be writing and look at my blank page again
- Spend time making the original word document half my laptop screen size whilst making the blank page fill the other side
- Realise it's time to fetch the kid from band practice
BTW - here is a picture of the cat who puts me off.
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