Don't be a Dick this Christmas

There is no denying this has been a tough year so I know we are all looking forward to Christmas - I definitely am, I have four, yes four advent calendars. I'm a big fan. 

But this year, there is a but, a big but ... Oh God, I'm just about to make a serious point and Sir Mix-A-Lot has just entered my head - shut up brain. Let's start again.

This year, we have to treat Christmas slightly differently, but that doesn't mean we can't still enjoy it.

No, you probably shouldn't give your 96 year old great grandmother a big smoochie kiss, or even allow your toddler to drool on her, in fact if you don't live with her now, regardless of what our auspicious  leader says, she shouldn't come for Christmas. Shocker...wait for it, I have more.

Don't invite Uncle Bill (who has never understood about personal space) around for tea and a mince pie.

Actually, just don't invite anyone around to your home at all, unless you are happy to have a conflab on the the drive/pavement outside the front of your house. 

From there, blow kisses, leave food, give presents. It may be a bit chilly/rainy or whatever, but as the great Billy Connolly says, 'There's no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.' So wrap up warm and go on some front door visits. Laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, and remember by doing this Great Aunt Gladys may be at yours next year having an accidental wee on your favourite chair - Yay!

This is the Yule Log that I make every...Yule...Yum.


I have been shielding since this all started (I know, shielding doesn't exist any more - trust me, if you read the government guidance for the extremely vulnerable it is exactly as it was for those shielding during lockdown, the only real difference is the government aren't willing to cover the financial pit falls of that). So, when people talk about Christmas and mental health I just want to scream. Has my mental health been impacted by the serious lack of human contact that I have? Yes. Will a few days at Christmas with family make a huge difference to me? - of course it will. Am I going to do it? no - are you mad?

After all this time of staying home, making my kids change their clothes and wash their hands before they go near the living room and me, am I going to now go, oh well if Boris says it's OK....DOH!

Of course it's not, and we are in the home stretch now, by summer next year we may be close to some sort of normality, I 'm not going to mess it up now. That would be idiotic.

It's almost like that thing your mum used to say to you... If Tommy says it's OK to jump off a bridge would you? 

Just because Boris has said it is OK should you? Why do something stupid now? 

Of course, I know I am shouting into a void of nothing, and the idiots that think Covid is some kind of scam, the moon landing never happened and the world is flat are all sagely nodding their heads being cack-headed dickweed dumbass super spreaders (I may have made up some words there - but then again they have made up their theories so I would say we are even).

To all those people who queued to go in to Primark the minute the shops opened again, or all gathered in tiny bars, shoulder to shoulder to get drunk and spit into each others faces - sorry I mean shout over the music in conversation before lockdown/tier 3/ I fully expect you all to continue carrying on as if there wasn't a WORLDWIDE PANDEMIC...Idiots!

To all the people who are moaning about not having a holiday - FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS - imagine being homeless right now.

To all the Londoners, moaning about going into Tier three, give a thought to Leicester, who have basically never come out of lockdown, and all the people in the North who have been in Tier FOREVER... get over yourselves, you should have actually followed the guidance - because if you had would this have happened to you? 

To all the people who say that all these rules have a negative impact on Mental Health - I will tell you what else has a negative impact on mental health, dying from Covid-19.  Yeah, I said it. 

To all those with mental health problems, try to stay strong, I know this is hard. I am having more and more 'bad days' but as with everything - time will heal - time will change the situation - time will make the difference. We just have to be careful not to count every second. 

I wish you all a merry, safe and Covid-free Christmas - oh and don't be a dick.


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